


Delayed Reaction

by sunrise_and_death



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Discussion Of Murder, Discussion of Nonconsensual Drug Use, Discussion of Nonconsensual Kissing, Eden's Twilight, M/M, Post-Canon, basically they finally deal with Neil's first visit to Eden's Twilight, discussion of past rape, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 20:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12240003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunrise_and_death/pseuds/sunrise_and_death
Summary: It’s been so long since he’s felt anything but affection for Nicky that he’d almost forgotten there was time when he’d been viscerally and intensely afraid of him.In which the events of Neil's first visit to Eden's Twilight are finally addressed a year later.





	Delayed Reaction

**Author's Note:**

> Canon-typical warnings, but this is pretty much all talking. Because communication is my jam.

By nature, Nicky is brash and unfiltered. Neil’s never known him to be anything else. Most of the time, he’s glad. As much as he wishes Nicky would think before speaking sometimes, it’s nice that Nicky went through everything he did and came out the side bold and proud.

It’s been so long since he’s felt anything but affection for Nicky that he’d almost forgotten there was time when he’d been viscerally and intensely afraid of him.

They’re at Eden’s Twilight, and Neil’s only had one drink. He holds less of an iron grip on his self-control these days, but the club is still much too public for him to truly lower his guard. As always, Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron feel no such compunctions; Andrew is already fetching their second tray. From their table, it’s difficult to see him through the crowd, but Neil feels compelled to try, eyes caught on the way the flashing lights glint off his hair.

Nicky slumps against the table beside him, a little closer than he would if he were sober. “Boring,” he whines. “Don’t you get tired of just sitting here.”

“It’s fine,” Neil answers and ignores Nicky’s eyeroll. He’s never going to really understand the allure of Eden’s Twilight, but he likes watching the rest of them have fun. “If you’re bored, why don’t you go dance?”

“I will,” Nicky says decisively, and then his hand curls around Neil’s wrist in a firm grip. “And you’re coming with me.”

He underestimates his strength—or maybe Neil’s balance—because what was likely supposed to be a playful tug causes Neil to trip forward into the crowd and right up against Nicky. For a second, it’s like he’s gone back in time—he’s pressed between Nicky and the writhing, sweaty crowd, nowhere to go.

Neil shoves Nicky back hard enough that Nicky trips into the people dancing behind him.

He can tell the instant Nicky realizes what happened by the way his face pales. Aaron comes to help his cousin regain his feet, and scowls at Neil. “What the hell was that?”

The crowd still feels suffocating. “I’m going to go get some air,” Neil says, and begins moving toward the nearest exit before either of them can respond.

By the time he makes it outside, the panic is already beginning to fade. The soft summer breeze helps. He’s behind the club in the parking lot; he’d taken an emergency exit without thinking about it. He tugs a pack of cigarettes—Andrew’s—from his pocket and lights one with steady fingers as he takes a seat on the curb.

Things had happened so quickly after his first trip to Columbia. He’d held everything against the cousins for a while, but with Riko and the Ravens and Exy, at some point he’d put it from his mind. Forgotten, but not forgiven.

Neil takes a drag off the cigarette to keep it lit. He isn’t surprised when the door behind him opens. Andrew’s footsteps are soft even in his heavy boots as he comes to stand beside Neil. He looks Neil over in his usual inspection for injuries and—seeing none—asks, “Do I need to kill Nicky?”

“No.” Neil holds up the remnants of his cigarette.

Silently, Andrew accepts the offering and lifts it to his own lips as he sits down a foot away. Neil shuffles a little closer to him and breathes in deeply. They sit quietly as Andrew finishes smoking. It isn’t until after Andrew has flicked the stub into the gutter that he looks at Neil again. “You’ve never had a problem with Nicky before.”

“I did once,” Neil reminds him.

Andrew slides another cigarette out of the pack. “If you think I feel any guilt about that, you are wrong.”

Neil feels his mouth twitch up slightly and rubs a hand across it. “I wasn’t expecting you to.” Andrew has always been very clear on how he feels about guilt and regret. Still, even with a year’s worth of knowledge about Andrew, some things about that first night in Columbia don’t add up.

“Why Nicky?” he asks, trusting Andrew to follow his train of thought. He wraps his arms around his knees and rests his chin on them, looking out at the cars as he speaks. “You didn’t want me alone with Aaron or Kevin; I understand that. But they could have stuck together to keep me in the crowd. Or you could have done it. Why did you leave it to Nicky?”

As soon as he’s finished, he realizes he’s said too much. He can practically feel Andrew’s eyes boring into his skull. “Look at me,” Andrew demands, and narrows his eyes when Neil turns his head. “What happened?”

“I don’t remember most of it.” It’s true, even if it’s not what Andrew’s looking for.

“What you do remember.”

“You drugged me,” Neil answers shortly. “Nicky and Aaron dragged me down into the crowd. Then Aaron left and Nicky gave me more dust. He left too. You found me and questioned me. Then you shoved me into the crowd again. Nicky gave me more dust.” Neil shrugs and watches the smoke drift upwards from the cigarette hanging from Andrew’s right hand. “Nothing after that.”

Andrew grips the back of Neil’s neck with his other hand and pulls his gaze back up. “And the part you aren’t telling me?”

Neil pushes Andrew’s hand off of him and stands. The urge to move is too strong; he needs to be on his feet. “You know what happened,” he says lowly. “I was drugged. Nicky was drunk and high. He wasn’t shoving the dust into my mouth with his hands.”

“I’ll kill him.” Andrew’s dead serious. He’s standing and moving for the door in an instant.

Neil blocks him with his body, putting his hands out so Andrew can’t just dodge him. “No, you won’t. Nothing happened.” At the clench of Andrew’s jaw, he stops and amends, “Nothing happened that I couldn’t handle. I was more upset about what you did than Nicky. And he apologized later. He knew it went too far.”

“I told him what I would do if he touched you,” Andrew says. “I keep my promises.”

Andrew’s face is expressionless and steady, but he means what he says. He had told Nicky—at least twice that Neil knows off—exactly what would happen if he touched Neil. Nicky hadn’t listened. Now, a year later, Andrew will keep that promise.

“Okay,” Neil says, dropping his hands. “But first you need to hit me.”

Andrew stills entirely, staring at him. “What.”

Neil tilts his head up and points at his cheek. “Right here. You need to punch me here.”

“What are you talking about.”

“You always told everyone what would happen if we touched your things. You punched Matt because he hit Kevin. So you need to hit me, because I hit Aaron.”

Andrew’s eyes flick to the door behind Neil and back. “My deal with Aaron is over.”

“But it wasn’t when I hit him,” Neil says and sidesteps to entirely block his view. “It was over spring break at the cabin. He was still under your protection and I hit him anyway. So if you’re going to keep your promises, you need to hit me.”

Andrew takes a step closer, getting into Neil’s space as he stares up into his eyes. “Your hands were nothing but bandages.”

Neil snorts. “Yeah. I think it hurt me more than it hurt him. But I still did it.” He reaches out to grip Andrew’s sleeve, careful not to brush skin. “Look, I think Nicky learned his lesson.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “That would be a first.”

Ignoring that, Neil forges ahead. “It doesn’t make sense to punish him for something he did a year ago and will likely never do again. Besides, if you’re going to keep that promise, then you need to hit me too.”

“You think I won’t?”

It’s a struggle to keep from grinning, because Neil knows he’s won. “If you were going to, you would have done it before now. I’ve already hit one hundred.”

Andrew shifts so that Neil’s hand on his sleeve presses against his arm. “I’m biding my time. Bodies are hard to get rid of.”

“I know,” Neil says and leans forward. “Kiss me?”

Andrew pushes Neil back, looking severely unimpressed. “No. Go wait by the car while I find the others. We’re leaving.”

“Okay,” Neil agrees easily, knowing Andrew doesn’t want him and Nicky in Eden’s Twilight together right now. He watches Andrew force the emergency exit back open and hopes Nicky knows to keep his mouth shut.

 

* * *

 

On the car ride back to the house, Andrew does not look at Nicky once. For his part, Nicky attempts to disappear into his seat, slumped down in the leather. Aaron alternates between glaring at Neil and glaring at his brother from the middle seat, and Kevin looks almost as uncomfortable as Nicky. Other than glancing over his shoulder a few times, Neil keeps his eyes on Andrew, whose hands are clenched around the steering wheel.

Andrew jerks the car to a stop in front of the house. “Aaron, Kevin, out. Nicky, stay.” 

Kevin is out of the car like a shot. Aaron lingers, looking slowly between his cousin and Andrew. He finally looks at Neil. His mouth twists into a sour grimace and he pushes himself out of the car angrily.

Andrew waits until Aaron is in the house before speaking. His gaze stays straight ahead. “We’re going to make a deal,” he tells Nicky. “You’re familiar with how my deals work.”

“Yes,” Nicky says, whisper-thin.

Andrew continues like he hasn’t spoken. “You get something, I get something.” He jabs his thumb between them. “In this case, you are never going to touch anyone sexually without their explicit consent ever again. In return, I will not kill you for what you did.”

“I won’t,” Nicky promises, and that opens the floodgates. “Andrew, I promise you, I won’t. What happened with Neil, I regretted it so much. I’d never do anything like that again, I swear.”

The desperate reassurances aren’t actually helping. Neil twists around in his seat to look at Nicky. He’s pale, all wringing hands and teary eyes. Neil waits until Nicky looks at him to say, “It’s okay. I forgive you.” Because he has.

This makes the tears spill over. “Thank you, Neil,” Nicky says in a watery voice.

“Get out,” Andrew tells him. With a last glance at Neil, Nicky complies. Neil watches him weave his way to the door.

The conversation has done nothing to calm Andrew down. He’s a statue in the driver’s seat, every muscle under iron control. Neil settles in; they’ll be driving most of the night, he thinks. He doesn’t mind.

“I’m glad you did that,” he says.

“I do not care how you feel.”

Neil hides a smile in the hood of his jacket as Andrew puts the car into drive and careens back onto the street. As the streetlights flash by, he watches the way they play on the hard lines of Andrew’s cheekbones until he falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

Nicky and Neil aren’t left alone together for a couple of weeks. Really, it’s not as if they would have been anyways; summer practices are in full swing, and they have a whole crew of new freshmen to deal with, plus the upperclassmen. Nicky is rooming with Aaron and Matt, so it’s pretty easy for Andrew to keep the two of them apart. Anytime it seems like Nicky might approach Neil, Andrew just stares at him until he loses his nerve.

So it’s Neil who goes out of his way. When Andrew and Kevin are out one evening, Neil ducks out of their suite and raps lightly on the door across the hall.

Matt grins at soon as he opens the door. “Hey, we were just about to put in a movie. Do you want to join?”

“Sorry,” Neil says. “I need Nicky for a moment. Maybe after?”

Matt blinks, then twists around to holler for Nicky. Within seconds, Nicky appears in the doorway. He winces when he sees Neil. Clearly, Matt notices, because he looks between the two of them warily. “We’ll wait until you’re back to start the movie,” he says finally.

“Don’t,” Neil advises. “I don’t know how long we’ll be.”

Nicky follows behind him back into the dorm. When they get inside, he hovers by the doorway. “Is Andrew here?” he asks. His eyes linger on the door to the bedroom.

“He’s out.” Neil is surprised how much it bothers him to see Nicky so frightened. “I wanted to talk. Are you okay?”

Nicky presses his hands over the face and lets out a hiccupy little laugh. “Oh, Neil. I should be asking you that. I saw the look on your face after you shoved me. I never wanted you to look at me like that.”

“You just caught me off guard,” Neil says. “Like I told Andrew, what he did bothered me more. That’s what I was reminded off. Being drugged and unable to escape.”

“Yeah, but when you were like that, I—” Nicky cuts himself off with a fierce shake of his head. He slides down the wall to sit against it, head in his hands. “I can remember how I talked myself into thinking it was okay. Andrew told me to keep you in the crowd and keep you high. I thought, ‘Someone will notice if I start dumping dust into his mouth.’ So I figured the easiest way to do it was… Well, you know.”

Eden’s Twilight didn’t have the greatest standards, but even the people there would probably have interfered if they’d seen drugs being obviously forced on someone. “You were right,” Neil says. He sits down in front of Nicky. “It was a smart move.”

Nicky makes a sound in the back of his throat like he’s dying. “But that’s not why I really did it! I told myself it was, but I really just wanted to kiss you. You were pretty and I was missing Erik and I talked myself into thinking it was okay.” He runs his hands through his hair and looks up at Neil with sad eyes. “Who does that?”

“Lots of people.” Neil can think of dozens who’d do more and not regret it. He’s sure there are millions. “But you’re not that person anymore.”

“But…” Nicky gnaws on his lower lip. “I keep thinking that if I hadn’t found out about what happened to Andrew, I might still be. I mean, I was sorry for what I did to you after, but more because I saw how angry you were, not because I actually realized what I’d done wrong. It wasn’t until what happened at my parents’ house that I really understood. And if it takes that happening to my cousin to make me change, what does that say about me?”

Neil feels supremely out of his depth. For lack of anything better to do, he reaches out and pats Nicky’s hand; Nicky latches onto it like a lifeline. “I think,” he says, weighing his words, “that the important thing is that you did change. A lot of people see bad things happen and don’t learn from them. But you did.” Neil looks down at where Nicky’s hand is clutching his. “I know there are things you will never understand about me, just like there are things about you that don’t make sense to me. But I’ve seen you trying. That means something.”

Alarmingly, this causes Nicky to burst into tears. Neil barely stops himself from reeling back. “Thank you, Neil,” Nicky sobs. “I am going to be better, I swear it.” He reaches out as if to envelop Neil and then pauses. “Can I hug you?”

Neil doesn’t particularly see the need for hugs most of the time, but he’s growing used to the way the Foxes use them to signal solidarity, reassurance, and friendship. “Okay,” he agrees, and is promptly smushed against Nicky’s shoulder. Awkwardly, he pats his back.

Nicky continues crying for a while, but when he finally pulls back, he wipes his eyes and smiles. “Thanks, Neil. I needed that.” He blinks a couple of times rapidly. “Damn, my eyes are going to be so puffy!”

“They look okay to me,” Neil tells him.

Nicky smiles again, a little softer. “Thanks, Neil,” he repeats. It seems like he means more than just the comment. Neil understands.

 

* * *

 

After watching the end of the movie with the upperclassmen, Neil climbs up to the roof. Andrew’s parked in his usual spot, cigarette already most of the way gone. Neil settles beside him and looks out at the dark campus. “I spoke to Nicky,” he says. “He’s really trying to change, you know.”

Andrew blows smoke into his face. “I’m not going to give him an award for trying.”

“Will you stop treating him like an enemy, though?”

“I have never been friendly with Nicky.”

“No, but he’s still one of yours.” Neil waits for a response, then tries again. “I don’t need you to protect me from him. We don’t have a deal anymore, and Nicky and I are friends.”

Andrew doesn’t speak. Neil thinks of trying one more time and then shrugs it off. He’s made his point, and Andrew will likely need time to figure things out on his own. Instead of pressing the matter, Neil sprawls back on the concrete and waits for Andrew to finish his cigarette.

Andrew flicks the butt of the cigarette a couple of feet away. “Yes or no?” he asks.

“Yes,” Neil says with a smile as he pulls Andrew down.

 

* * *

 

_(Nicky and Andrew aren’t the same for a long time, but Neil thinks what they eventually build is better. After Aaron’s trial, after Andrew’s testimony, after Nicky punches a man in the face for ignoring Neil’s “no,” Nicky turns to Neil one day with big eyes and says, “Andrew hasn’t pulled a knife on me in a really long time. That’s a good thing, right?”_

_“Yes, Nicky,” Neil answers dryly. “That’s a good thing.”)_

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://sunrise-and-death.tumblr.com).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Delayed Reaction (The Fear of Falling remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14969954) by [fuzzballsheltiepants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzballsheltiepants/pseuds/fuzzballsheltiepants)




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